A place to think

If somethings were always meant to be secret we wouldn't have the desire to tell others. 
If we never felt lonely we wouldn't know what it meant to be alone.  I don't want things to change within the dynamics of the house but sometimes I need a place to think.  A place to think.  A place to think aloud or in my head.  A place to put to rest the demons and the angels.  The time spins by so quickly and I wonder if I'm getting all I should.
Do my children really love me? How will they seem me when they are my age? As I see my mom?  What will they remember?  I feel sometimes as though I am selfish with my time, or lazy with it.  Like I've lost Sky to her father and given the choice she would pick there.  But the mind of an 8 year old is finicky,  I know.  It's just the first in a line of mothering doubts given that she still has her teen years.  I just don't want to hear someday.... "I want to go live with Daddy."  My heart would break.  But how do I show her that the time I spend with her is valuable even if we don't all that daddy can do. 
I could pour out onto the pages here a list of worries and woes. 
I could drip out of the pen the secrets and dreams I have. 
But who would listen.  There may be billions of people but few that have answers I want or answers at all. 
And now there's baby three on the way.  I can only hope that I'm doing right by all of them.