I need a reason, not a medical one for her death... I can grudgingly
accept that there was nothing anyone (including me although I'm her
mother and feel like I should have known somehow) could have done... but
a reason in the ultimate plan, the map or web of existence that has
each life destined to BE something or someone of importance to someone,
at least one someone. I need her tiny beautiful life to have had a
meaningful and sweet and good purpose. That all this hurt and sadness
and let-down and feeling of emptiness and confusion and shaken faith in
myself and in my beliefs was for a reason that was for a good that may
at least balance the scale some. I wish I could have a reason for why I
was "allowed" to carry this gift for so long and just when I was about
to have her she was taken. This "there's a reason for everything" line
is making me angry... someone just tell me WHAT the reason is for me to
be given her to love and then for her to be taken with me to only dream
of her sweet little cries.
Silence.... for no one knows and that is
what I'm finding hardest so far to make peace with... my Gabbie is
gone, and no one can give me a reason as to why.
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