Time marches on

I received a flag today.  It was beautiful in itself.  But oh the beautiful irony... it was made from the exact same fabric as Gabbie's.  But the irony doesn't stop there.  The baby's name was Gabriella.  Gabriella Grace.  Seriously?! Gabriella Grace died 3 days before Gabraella Joy. D didn't seem to note the irony.  Maybe I'm reaching for it but I just don't think it's a reach.  Anyway, I wept as I read her story.  Poor sweet baby.  Why do babies die again? Oh that's right, for no apparent, nor any fair reason. 

So each and every morning when I wake the very first thought is how I miss her.  Then I drive to work and think of how life would be different if she were here while I listen to just one chatty girl in the backseat who has grown so big.  I try to push Gabbie from my mind but its like she's wallpaper waiting to be noticed.  You can't move a wall.  Then I start my day.  People ask me how I am.  I answer honestly: "ok".  I am "okay" but I don't finish with "for not having a baby I was pregnant with for 9 months" some other similar statement of fact.  "Morning" is no longer "good morning." Think anyone has noticed?  I teach all day with the occasional question about my baby or my obvious absence from work all spring.  Reminders in the middle of class that are brushed off always stop back for a deeper thought later.  Then I take the 4 flights of stairs to work off baby fat.  And eat a low cal lunch to work off baby fat.  I rush through work to spend time with my family so that I can cuddle with my girls more and be a mom more. Every where there's reminders.  The trees are changing.  The butterflies will leave.   In one week she'll have been gone for five months.  And time marches on.