To hold

I carried you within me long before conception,
each month, each year a forever waiting for the news.
I loved considering how life would change in ways I could not imagine, how I'd have a baby to hold,
I thought long of how the world would grow to love you
Then you grew

And I carried you within me long before your birth
Each day, each week was a lifetime waiting for you.
I loved considering how life would be different, I could imagine it as I looked about your things that I could hold
I thought of how much you'd be loved by all, were loved already
And then you got your wings

And I carried you within me long before I knew what happened to you, each hour each minute endless waiting for the news
I loved considering how the outcome would be different, how you'd overcome, fight on, live for me to hold
I thought for sure it'd somehow be okay because my love would somehow save you
And then you were gone for good

And I carried you for no time, not enough time, want to hold you still
And I loved and hurt considering how you'd have changed if you had the chance or could, how you wanted me to hold you too
And I thought of how I would have loved you no matter what and how I love you still
Then you were memories

And I carried you
and carry you still within me for tomorrow and tomorrow still, a boundless time before me.
I love and hurt considering how life would have been with you and how I'd have given nearly anything to keep you with me forever if just to hold
And I think that if my love for you could not save you then maybe it can save me so
I will carry you within me, forever just to hold.