Perhaps severe endometriosis-- that's the verdict. The sentence: partial hysterectomy with the possibility of loss of an ovary or two.
So here's the problem, or the perceived problem: the theory is I have retrograde endometriosis. That's, theoretically, when the menstruation cycle does not empty correctly from your uterus but instead empties in a reverse fashion out through your Fallopian tubes and into your body. The menstrual tissue then implants in the abdomen cavity and grows because of an immune system problem or hormonal problem. This is just a theory, but the theory, currently, that my doctor is subscribing to. There really is no absolute proven clinical cause for a woman to have endometriosis.
The other options besides surgery weren't really options at all. I could go permanently on birth control or hormones to control it's growth, but all birth controls I've been on have made me sick or altered my psyche, so those aren't really an option. I could treat the pain with doctor prescribed narcotics but that's only masking the problem and would eventually worsen the situation. So, like I said these are not options.
The procedure will be robotically done. The idea is to go in and take out my sick uterus and affected ovaries, then take out all the displaced tissue to keep it from growing and affecting other organs and causing more damage. Going into the surgery which right now is the only real option, I know for certain I will not have my uterus when I wake up, that is the only certainty.
The other options besides surgery weren't really options at all. I could go permanently on birth control or hormones to control it's growth, but all birth controls I've been on have made me sick or altered my psyche, so those aren't really an option. I could treat the pain with doctor prescribed narcotics but that's only masking the problem and would eventually worsen the situation. So, like I said these are not options.
The procedure will be robotically done. The idea is to go in and take out my sick uterus and affected ovaries, then take out all the displaced tissue to keep it from growing and affecting other organs and causing more damage. Going into the surgery which right now is the only real option, I know for certain I will not have my uterus when I wake up, that is the only certainty.
There are many unknowns.
1. Will I have one or both ovaries or will I be on hormone replacement therapy forever?
2. Will there be complications with other organs? The doctor mentioned a common complication is damage to my bladder. It will be fixable but will require a bag until it's healed.
3. If there is too much damage from the displaced tissue it may require invasive surgery and not just laproscopic, so I may wake to another large scar similar to my c-section where they had to go in and fix the damage.
4. There is about a 40% chance that the surgery may not solve the problem entirely depending on how severe the stage of endometriosis.
Pros:
1. I may have no more pain.
2. I will no longer have my period. (Seriously, though every woman should cheer at this because I don't care who you are, your periods are annoying at best and a high maintenance painful bitch at worst.)
3. I should be at least a couple pounds lighter right? I mean come on I'm giving up a body part for this. (I say facetiously.)
4. I may finally feel better. Maybe even capable or running again. Perhaps I won't be so tired ALL of the time. Post surgery me seems pretty wonderful. I hope.
5. I will no longer have a uterus that I still believe caused us to lose Gabbie-- a sad and final revenge on it? Perhaps. But I'm still angry it failed me.
These are pretty good Pros.
These are pretty good Pros.
Cons:
1. There are many unknowns.
2. I am slightly (okay perhaps slightly more that "slightly") terrified of surgery. I mean come on, I needed a transfusion with my last big surgery. How though, unless your a surgeon and you live for this crap, who really likes surgery? Crazy people.
3. I will never again have the option of procreating. Of being a new mommy again. Of seeing that little face with squinty eyes blink at me in the bright light of a hospital room. But realistically I can't anyway. D can't (so it's a non-issue anyway) and the thought of pregnancy again is silly. It is too stressful, dangerous, (stupidly risky) and endometriosis is damaging and causes infertility. I am however, attached to my uterus-- pun both intended and not intended. It gave me four beautiful girls. It allowed me to grow miracles. It is a part of me, a useful, blessing-providing organ that gave and without it, I am... well... without it.
4. Scheduled for July sometime around the 20th (I am still waiting for the specific date from my Doctor) my summer will, realistically be over.
5. I feel bad that D's vasectomy was for no reason since I have to get a hysterectomy anyway. We were trying to prevent me from having another surgery which obviously was not in cards.
6. I will not be able to pick up a very active, very sweet 1 year old who will not understand. This perhaps makes me the most sad. I will not be able to carry Evie, pick her up, or hold her while standing for at least 6 weeks. This one sucks.
Okay, they all suck.
So there it is. The Elephant in my future.
4. Scheduled for July sometime around the 20th (I am still waiting for the specific date from my Doctor) my summer will, realistically be over.
5. I feel bad that D's vasectomy was for no reason since I have to get a hysterectomy anyway. We were trying to prevent me from having another surgery which obviously was not in cards.
6. I will not be able to pick up a very active, very sweet 1 year old who will not understand. This perhaps makes me the most sad. I will not be able to carry Evie, pick her up, or hold her while standing for at least 6 weeks. This one sucks.
Okay, they all suck.
So there it is. The Elephant in my future.
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