On auto...

Two weeks from today. Gone gone and still gone.

I have been going about my life these last few days on auto. Up with the alarm or thereabouts though so exhausted I have to fall out of bed. In the pit of my stomach is a burrowing anxiety, fluctuating between hyperactivity and steady twitching. I want to go back a year ago to when I went to the doctor's and there was still a heart beat. I want to go back to a year ago to the time when life was still pleasantly uncomfortable and innocence and dreams were still real.

But those days are gone and so is she. no one can remain unchanged when they've held a still baby. So now I have a new thought each morning I awake: I wonder if I'll have a sign from her today, I miss her so completely.